The Muppets Are Coming to Broadway! Here’s Who They Should Play Next

It's time to light the lights! The Muppets are coming to Broadway!

After their recent eviction from Walt Disney World—Andrew Barth Feldman sums up that particular national tragedy perfectly—it seems that New York is welcoming the gang with open arms. During the holiday season, Kermit the Frog will take to the stage of the Broadhurst Theatre with some fellow Muppets in Rob Lake's illusion spectacular. Before then, in October, James Monroe Iglehart and more will take part in a staged reading of The Muppets Take Manhattan in Brooklyn.

We'll be looking out for the beloved amphibian at Liza Minnelli's table at Sardi's.

Here's hoping the Muppets make themselves at home in New York. If they do, we have a few casting ideas for them on Broadway and beyond.

Kermit and Miss Piggy in Moulin Rouge!
Yes, we know, there’s already a show on Broadway led by a green-skinned misfit and a vainglorious blonde. But Kermit and Miss Piggy represent one of the great love stories—certainly the greatest love story between a frog and a pig. Who better to step into the roles of the wide-eyed bohemian poet and the sparkling courtesan in Moulin Rouge!? We can hear Kermit’s soft, nasal tones already: “There was a frog…” We already know that Piggy looks divine on a swing—and would absolutely ham up her ultimate exhalation. Additional Muppet casting: Lew Zealand as Harold Zidler.

Rowlf the Dog in Just in Time

Rowlf the Dog has had an astonishing career in music, from his early appearances alongside Jimmy Dean to tickling the ivories alongside everyone from John Denver to Judy Collins to Lassie. Oh, and he’s house-trained. The Just in Time-style biomusical about Ol’ Brown Ears would track the amiable, gravel-voiced artist’s highs and lows as he navigates the dog-eat-dog music industry, with the Circle in the Square Theatre transformed into a glitzy kennel. Also there’d be slightly less chance of being slobbered on by Rowlf than by Jonathan Groff.

Statler and Waldorf in Waiting for Godot
“Nothing to be done.”
“You're telling me! I had tickets to Mamma Mia! tonight!”
(Laughter ensues.)

Imagine Waiting for Godot punctuated with Vladimir and Estragon laughing heartily at their own jokes. Sure, Didi and Gogo are lonely avatars of existential, metaphysical angst. They’re also a great comedy duo with ready wit and excellent repartee—perfect for Statler and Waldorf, the cantankerous hecklers of The Muppet Show. We're sure the Beckett estate would have no problem with this.

Gonzo in Tracy Letts' Bug
If there’s one Muppet who would fit right in Bug, Tracy Letts’ nerve-shredding psychological thriller, it’s Gonzo. Maybe it’s the perpetually spooked quality of those ping-pong ball eyes, but the blue-furred, scratchy-voiced, proboscisly well-endowed something-or-other has always had the dangerous, volatile energy of a conspiracy theorist. We can definitely see him losing the plot in a seedy motel room with Camilla the Chicken as his partner in paranoia. Though we'd love to see his chemistry with Carrie Coon, too.

The Swedish Chef of the Opera
Seriously, just think about it: Everyone's favorite gibberish-spouting maestro of the kitchen as Andrew Lloyd Webber's tortured musical genius with a horrifying physical disfigurement. The horrifying physical disfigurement being: he has human hands.

Miss Piggy in Oh, Mary!
Let's be honest, Miss Piggy could fill the heels of pretty much any fierce or fabulous leading lady on Broadway. An impassioned Mama Rose? Bring it. Glinda? Positutely abso-tively! Norma Desmond? Let’s get her in that black slip. The Muppet Show’s resident diva ("Moi?") has frankly astonishing range: we can see her pulling off a Bernadette Peters pout or going whole hog in a Greek tragedy or Great American Play (Pig On a Hot Tin Roof, anyone?). But, as mischievously suggested by creator Cole Escola, Miss Piggy and the role of Mary Todd Lincoln in Oh, Mary! is a match made in Broadway heaven—the old-school glamor, the penchant for melodrama, the gratuitous snorting noises. You know that Piggy would look just fabulous in those bratty curls executing a few of her trademark karate-chops. “Hiii-yah!”

Speculating wildly about hypothetical future seasons, is it too soon for a Stereophonic revival if it stars the Electric Mayhem—given that its bassist already sort of resembles Tony winner Will Brill? Obviously Beaker and Bunsen Honeydew would be a shoo-in for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Scooter has exquisite Seymour Krelborn energy and Fozzie Bear was born to play Mr. Saturday Night. We just can't decide if we'd rather see Rizzo and the rats in Rent or Chicago.

Now, will somebody please make Kermit: Prince of Denmark happen?